In recent weeks I attended a conference that addressed various topics surrounding violence on today’s campuses, one of the workshops dealt with hate crimes.  I was surprised to hear how often they occur, actually now that I think about it, I was not all that surprised.  I would like to think we have progressed passed this issue, but then again that would be nothing short of naive.  In light of the workshops content I would like to pass along some suggestions on how to deal with hate crimes. Please note this article will address how to handle verbal assaults (insults) not property damage or anything along those lines. 

Few will argue that hate crimes can be vicious in nature. It is how we handle them that define if things will work out in our best interest. I have met people who were the victims of hate due to their race, gender, preference and a host of others factors; most often via a verbal slur.  In my seminars people ask what is the best way to handle such insults?  My response is- to do nothing.  Just take it, with dignity and then walk away.  When I suggest this course of action many people get upset probably they want to justify some sort of revenge or to “save face” and restore a sense of self-respect.  In short, it’s not worth it.  Let’s examine a scenario and hopefully you will see why. 

Let’s say you are at a get together (a party involving, or not involving alcohol) and someone gets in your face and insults you for whatever reason.  The term they use is extremely derogatory.  In turn, you say something to “even the score”.  Predictably the initial person “ups the ante” and increases the viciousness of their attack by saying something worse, you respond in kind and so on continuing the downward spiral.  You get the idea from here- things escalate and get ugly.  We should never get to this level.  When the first insult was “launched” your best response would be to walk away, or laugh it off.  Why? The goal of the person verbally abusing you is to get a reaction and for their words to take root.  When you laugh it off, or walk away, you are sending a message that their words have no meaning and no sting.  Fighting back gives the insult life and credibility.  If the words never take root, what is the person who is trashing you going to do?

There is an old street game called Dozens.  It is practiced by African-American children, typical game play is  for two kids engage in a verbal spar, the more insulting the words the better.  The goal is to be as mean and crude as possible.  The first one to take it personally or get angry loses; they are then laughed at and ridiculed by others.  By playing this game long enough, kids eventually learn that words will only hurt (and carry weight) if you let them.  Dozens has a more mainstream title nowadays- it’s called “Yo’ Mama…”.  If you watch MTV in recent years you may have seen the show. 

I agree with the notion that words can hurt, but I have found that words hurt more from people we are emotionally attached to.  If my wife, or close friends would rip me I would be more inclined to get upset faster because of the emotional connections.  On the flip side, if some clown (read idiot) wants to run his immature, narrow-minded mouth so he can get attention, let him- I’m not impressed and could really give a crap if they want to insult me.  One of the thing momma cubs (that’s my Mom) taught me is that life is not fair and people will always take shots at you. People will say mean things and you can never keep everyone happy.  If they don’t like you, simply move on. That was a profound lesson.  

In closing and on a personal level, I have been the recipient of hateful words no doubt some would classify  as a hate crime.  Instead of investing in victimization and attempting to sue someone so I can put my conscious at ease, I opt for the more dignified path of walking away and not letting some numb-skull know they “got to me”, which they didn’t. Likewise, proving I was a victim would be incredibly tough and my chances of winning in court are slim.  It’s not worth the time, effort or money.  In light of this, let them say what they want, my skin is thicker than they realize.